I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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