People in love make me want to vomit
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize