if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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