that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
