So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
