just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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