Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Randomize
