he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
