We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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