How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize