Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
