im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
