she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
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