there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
now i know why i became what i already was.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
not ubering you a puppy
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
