I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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