I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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