Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
