I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize