I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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