You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
a search helicopter?!
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You are the jesus of drinking
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
