a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
