K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
