i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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