speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I have feelings that need drinking.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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