she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Randomize