What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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