there's paper in my vomit.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
