Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
