If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
