just come out here and I will go home with you...
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
