my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
