I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
