I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
she smelled like a LAN party
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
