As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
