Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
