I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
