i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
