i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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