I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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