There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
