he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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