Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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