Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
