You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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