I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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