yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
