Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
