Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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