I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
