All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
im holly from the hills drunk
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize
