i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
