woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
