They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
