just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize
