Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
