Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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