I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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