I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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