By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
