So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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