Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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