we have pet lesbian snakes
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize