Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
