Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Randomize
