Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
