I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
