sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
