so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
