nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
